Family Partnership, Empower for Life

By Amy Price  PhD

Partnership…The Work of Champions


In work with children a team means everything. Your child’s self esteem and ways of relating are constructed by what they learn from team interaction. Even in graduate school students learn that the key to power for scientists is flexibility and cooperation. Many experiments show success after many well planned failures. Sometimes it takes only a new way of seeing to trigger a break through. We can mourn the past or prepare for the future, we can not do both. Often weakness in one team member will trigger unknown strength in another so it pays to obey the three fs of creativity,. Fun, flexibility and favor.

Blessed are the Flexible, for They Shall Not be Broken

One day I was trying to find a stick to roast marshmallows on. The old ones were easy to separate from the branch but were dry and brittle. The young ones did not seem that strong but they could not be broken. They were attached to the tree and gained strength and life from it. This is like your family and you. When we are attached and meet needs for each other we are strong but when we allow the stress of life to separate us from kindness and humor our loved ones draw away in pain and begin to dry from the inside out. This applies to older people too. I will use the analogy of a Christmas tree. When I was small and Christmas was over I wanted to replant the Christmas tree. My mother laughed and said it has no roots and it is already dead. I was sure she was wrong and planted it anyway! It was cold so it looked like my mother was wrong and I rejoiced, I did notice it was not growing though….when a warm spell came death became apparent.

Our roots are our families and those we work with, we can choose to be roots that help them grow or just leave them planted and alone and see how they do…. It is good to remember that live trees are a source of shade and beauty, dead trees are ugly and take a lot of work. You can choose Life or death..you can make things happen or let things happen

Insight Can Redraw Your Destiny

By Amy Price PhD


An alternate title is “What you see on the inside produces consequences on the outside”. The Bible states this a couple of other ways “As an individual thinks in his/her heart so is their destiny” The prophets explained the Israelites initial inability to enter the land of promise by saying “They were like grasshoppers in their own sight and so they were the same in the eyes of others”.

Science bears this out. According to integrative neuroscientist Evian Gordon (2001, 2008) minimizing danger and maximizing reward is a significant principle in how the brain organizes and in so doing impacts our lives. If a situation leads to a reward response such as positive emotions, words, or activities the brain engages and approaches or engages. When a situation brings up negative emotions or punishment the brain sends out an avoid response and detaches.

Can you see where this principle would lead in marriages, the work place or learning? In one research study participants completed a paper maze that featured a mouse in the middle trying to reach a picture on the outside. Half of the group saw a piece of the cheese as the picture to reach while others saw a predator.

The effect on learning the maze was astounding those that had the cheese picture solved more problems more creatively than those with the predator picture. (Friedman and Foster, 2001). Other studies relate how people who specifically visualize and mentally practice winning have significant advantages over people who did not practice and in fact what they ‘thought” gave them a similar advantage to actually practicing (Logie and Denis ,1991)

Transferring this concept to the real we can ask these questions. How likely is someone who senses their credibility is undermined to be able to produce answers to complex problems or initiate creative solutions?

Performance reviews, constructive criticism, even unasked for advice can threaten status and cloud thinking. You can even threaten your own status by seeing yourself as hanging by your fingernails over a cliff or rehearsing failure. There are a series of steps you can take to change your mind and get it working for you from the inside out.

As an employer, parent, friend or marriage partner are you unknowingly causing threats to an individual’s status or is someone threatening yours? Watch this space for ways of enhancing status and changing your place in the workspace!

For ways to put these principles in action see this article http://empower2go.wordpress.com/

References :

Friedman R. and Foster J. (2001). The effects of promotion and prevention cues on creativity. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 81, 1001-1013.

Gordon, E. (2000). Integrative Neuroscience: Bringing together biological, psychological and clinical models of the human brain. Singapore: Harwood Academic Publishers.

Gordon, E. et al. (2008), An “Integrative Neuroscience” platform: application to profiles of negativity and positivity bias, Journal of Integrative Neuroscience.

Robert H. Logie, Michel Denis 1991,Mental images in human cognition (Amsterdam, Netherlands) ; volume 80 of Studies in Surface Science and Catalysis

Decisions and Choices

By Amy Price PhD

One simple way we can sort out what choice is best is to create a plus and minus column. Put in the advantages and disadvantages of your proposed choice. Number each choice on an “important to me” scale of one to ten. Add up both columns or get a friend to help.

Still undecided? Separate your thoughts into three sections I feel this way, I think this about this and I sense or remember this could happen. The first method gives you the “what” of the story while the second method gives you the “why.”

Now you need the “when.” This you can get by asking your self “Why is this a good time for this choice?” What can I gain by waiting, deciding immediately or not choosing at all”? For the where of this story consider if this is the best place or would a change of location make a difference. Also ask your self is there any knowledge missing I need to make this choice.

Sleep on your decisions and listen to the voice on the inside. Many genius minds got their inspiration after napping or a good night’s sleep. Often you will sense a green light, a red light or a yellow proceed with caution.

Our minds have amassed countless categories and can assess in a moment of time what you could take months to think about actively. Many genius minds got their inspiration after napping or a good night’s sleep. It can work for you too!

Mathematicians have determined we can make informed choices by following what are called axioms. They use numbers to explain things but we will use life examples to share these ideas.

There are 5 principles or axioms for making decisions.

1.Comparability

2.Transitivity

3.Dominance

4.Independence

5.Invariance

The first principle is called “comparability.” For this you need to know you prefer apples to bananas or banana to apples or that you dislike or like both bananas and apples.

Axiom two is called “transitivity,” which means if you prefer apples to bananas and bananas to carrots you must prefer apples to carrots.

“Dominance” is axiom three. Here is how it works, a choice is dominant and must be preferred if when it is compared to an alternate choice it is best in at least one respect and better in all other respects. Dominated or lesser choices are not to be preferred.

Axiom four is called “independence.” This says “no outside data should affect your choice.”

The last axiom, number five, is “invariance.” Different scenery involving the same choice scenario should not affect the choice. Another way of saying this is your choice preference should remain independent of how it is described.

When any of these axioms are not met there are several possibilities. The choice was not yours to make. In this case move on. You can not take responsibility for other peoples’ choices.

Zig Ziglar says ‘Life is like the movies …You produce your own show!”

Happy people live nineteen percent longer. Make a good investment. You can invest in worry or you can invest in you.

There was not enough information available to make an informed choice or you were not given the power to make the choice. Life happens and life cycles, what goes around comes around. Think out a strategy for next time or watch for something effective another individual is using to negotiate the issue.

You are a champion. Experience and coaching will help you win. Experts practice and watch for doors of opportunity. Novices give up because they see an event as defining them.

Failure is an event and not an identity.

Any novice can become an expert. Failure is an event and not an identity. Failure looks for servants, refuse to serve it!

Your choice was clouded by a cultural mindset or political manipulation and does not represent you.

For this scenario you will feel dissatisfied even when the choice is beneficial to you because you can not own it without changing your identity.

■Think about how you can change your world one step at a time.

■The way you see yourself is the way others will treat you.

■Change your words and determine your destiny.

■Your words will build you or destructure (destroy) you.

■Go back to the chapter that suggests you decide what you would do if only you could. Find a way to take one step towards your destiny and do it!

My Name is Rose

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.

I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.

She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?"

I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze.

"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked.

She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids..."

"No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.

"I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.

We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.

Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.

Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know."

As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, " We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.

There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.

We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!

There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.

If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.

Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets.

The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets."

She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The Rose."

She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives. At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago.

One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.

Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.

When you finish reading this, please send this peaceful word of advice to your friends and family, they'll really enjoy it!

These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE.

REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL. We make a Living by what we get. We make a Life by what we give.

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it

I had this sent to me in an email ...Author Unknown, If anyone knows the author I would be happy to credit this

Relationships: Making changes in how you relate

Relationships: Making changes in how you relate

By Amy Price PhD

Above is a blog link to an excellent way to see relationships and make changes. Often the best ideas are the simple ones which lay out the facts so we are free to make changes in life. The link above shows you how...try it! Sometimes no matter how much you care or grieve there is no power in your hand to make changes, ultimately the only person you have power to change is yourself. Changes in others can only be decided by them. In the end the only possible response after we have done all we know to do is silence and time. Love and kindness are not always reciprocal and justifying or proving our case when wronged can become a waste of time when those choosing not to believe in us or see our side just do not care or believe a lie.

Friends can say you are casting your pearls before swine, they are not worth it or some day they will pay. In those days be a friend to yourself, never pretend it doesn't matter but discipline the amount of time you think about it. Hint: If you are trying to fix it in your heart and mind 24 hours a day 23.5 hours could be a starting place. Remember all things pass, when I look back to people who hurt me 20 years ago I can no longer remember the feeling, how they smelled or what they said yet people who have done small kindnesses I have remembered for ever. So consider each day is one step closer to healing and be kind to yourself so you in turn can be kind to others...Remember happy people live 19% longer and each day you can choose joy or sadness...choose joy

God and the Spider

Courtesy of Hideway Fun Pages

During World War II, a US marine was separated from his unit on a Pacific island. The fighting had been intense, and in the smoke and
the crossfire he had lost touch with his comrades.

Alone in the jungle, he could hear enemy soldiers coming in his
direction. Scrambling for cover, he found his way up a high ridge to several small caves in the rock. Quickly he crawled inside one of the caves. Although safe for the moment, he realized that once the enemy soldiers looking for him swept up the ridge, they would quickly search all the caves and he would be killed.

As he waited, he prayed, "Lord, if it be your will, please protect me. Whatever your will though, I love you and trust you. Amen."

After praying, he lay quietly listening to the enemy begin to draw
close. He thought, "Well, I guess the Lord isn't going to help me out of this one." Then he saw a spider begin to build a web over the front of his cave.

As he watched, listening to the enemy searching for him all the while, the spider layered strand after strand of web across the opening of the cave.

"Hah, he thought. "What I need is a brick wall and what the Lord has sent me is a spider web. God does have a sense of humor."

As the enemy drew closer he watched from the darkness of his hideout and could see them searching one cave after another. As they came to his, he got ready to make his last stand. To his amazement, however, after glancing in the direction of his cave, they moved on. Suddenly, he realized that with the spider web over the entrance, his cave looked as if no one had entered for quite a while.

"Lord, forgive me," prayed the young man. "I had forgotten that in you a spider's web is stronger than a brick wall."

We all face times of great trouble. When we do, it is so easy to
forget what God can work in our lives, sometimes in the most
surprising ways. And remember with God, a mere spider's web becomes a brick wall of protection.

Words Matter: Build With Care

Image from Verve Communications
By Amy Price PhD

The definition for word in the Greek language comes from the same root as lego or to build. Words are blocks that build for you or against you. Your conversation is your vision speaking. To see where you are on the journey of life stop to listen to the words you are saying. Are they building or destroying the dream in your heart.

Sometimes we speak negatively when people have hurt us as when we are hurling insults it distracts us from the pain we feel. It is better to stop and hurt, feel the impact and your mind will work to bring you a solution to solve the crisis. Pretending you don’t care just prolongs the agony and does not fix the problem.

People will multiply or divide you. Their motivations can be determined by the words they speak not only to you but also to others.

It takes seven positive communications to undo the effect of one negative communication. Your words are weapons for growth or destruction. Choose Growth!

Celebrating Individual Differences, Do No Harm

By Amy Price PhD

Click Here to View Video


In many respects we are strengthened by celebrating the differences in those we meet in life rather than expend useless energy trying to make them more like us.Conflicts in homes and at the workplace come because others work to exhaustion,trying to be what we want instead of who they are. This video describes the fallout and invites us to consider solutions.

It is important not to stress shortcomings to the hurt of recognizing strengths even in ourselves.

People are far more than the face they show to a group. To draw out their full
potential they need validation and celebration. Communication comes from
listening using all our senses with an attitude that is willing to hear, help
and accept change. There is a proverb that says "When the vision is delayed the
heart becomes sick" Working in arenas circumstance or others dictate but we have
not chosen to the loss of following our destiny can bring bitterness and hurt.


Ask yourself in working with others:


Am I giving orders or supplying direction?
Do I know what my family and employees care about?
In conflict do I know the whole story or just my/my freinds side?
When is the last time I was really thankful and said so to those I love or work with?
Do we laugh together?
If I was in the other persons shoes would I feel good about coming to me?

Now what can you change? When you supply value to others it will be multiplied
to you. Why not take time to do something that is important to you and your
dream and while you are there give some of your time as a gift to help some one
else take a step to their destiny.

Freedom From Inside Out

By Amy Price PhD

For freedom to have real meaning it needs to be defined from the inside out. A lot of what we do is to please others and to carve a place for ourselves to be loved and accepted or at least respected. Regrettably it seems that those we need to prove ourselves to are the ones least likely to extend the sceptre of acceptance. I am always surprised that when people comment on why they value me it has little to do with performance or making accurate choices but it has more to do with providing sanctuary and solutions. I am content with this we can always buy machines to do tasks!

I most admire my late cat, she came into our lives as a stray and refused to leave or believe she was not wanted. Because of this, we fed her, loved her and appreciated her, she gave back by being herself. I have a PhD, (I am working on another one in cognitive neuroscience and executive function) but I only wish I was as smart as the cat!

I like this quote ”Be Yourself. Everyone Else Is Taken! Always be yourself because the people that matter don’t mind, and the ones who mind, don’t matter”

As an employer I must confess that I fired no one and we had hundreds of people working for us during our lives. I always found something else they could do and they often helped me find some one to do the job they could not. There seems to be two philosophies one being a mistake has to be someone's fault and heads must roll or my preference,let us work together without blame and find a solution...the first imposes fear and anger the second infuses hope. I want to be in the land of hope and create that for those I work with.

“Just because something doesn’t do what you planned it to do doesn’t mean it’s useless” Thomas Edison.

Dress to Kill

We live in a world where body schema is determined by advertising whims. Women wear high heels for a temporary slimming, bottom lifting and calf tightening effect at the expense of freedom of movement and longterm health of the feet and legs. We put on nylons that make us freeze in the winter and smell in the summer...but someone called them 'appropriate' and we dutifully pull them on like sausages waiting for their casings. We value 'rocks' in the form of rings like the predessors of cavemen and see them as forms of approval and the bestowing of favor. We spend money on wrinkles no one cares about and forget that inside the package is the most precious gift of all..yourself. Nevertheless we live in a world where convention delivers financial comfort and even we are influenced by what we compare ourselves too...

What you see affects what you believe about yourself. It also influences how others perceive you. Make the best of what you have. Most of the commercial world is airbrushed so look at people rather than magazines find a personal style and celebrate it. Remember that true beauty comes from the inside out but it doesn’t hurt to market what you have got. Be yourself…no one else can do it better!