Relationships: Making changes in how you relate

Relationships: Making changes in how you relate

By Amy Price PhD

Above is a blog link to an excellent way to see relationships and make changes. Often the best ideas are the simple ones which lay out the facts so we are free to make changes in life. The link above shows you how...try it! Sometimes no matter how much you care or grieve there is no power in your hand to make changes, ultimately the only person you have power to change is yourself. Changes in others can only be decided by them. In the end the only possible response after we have done all we know to do is silence and time. Love and kindness are not always reciprocal and justifying or proving our case when wronged can become a waste of time when those choosing not to believe in us or see our side just do not care or believe a lie.

Friends can say you are casting your pearls before swine, they are not worth it or some day they will pay. In those days be a friend to yourself, never pretend it doesn't matter but discipline the amount of time you think about it. Hint: If you are trying to fix it in your heart and mind 24 hours a day 23.5 hours could be a starting place. Remember all things pass, when I look back to people who hurt me 20 years ago I can no longer remember the feeling, how they smelled or what they said yet people who have done small kindnesses I have remembered for ever. So consider each day is one step closer to healing and be kind to yourself so you in turn can be kind to others...Remember happy people live 19% longer and each day you can choose joy or sadness...choose joy

God and the Spider

Courtesy of Hideway Fun Pages

During World War II, a US marine was separated from his unit on a Pacific island. The fighting had been intense, and in the smoke and
the crossfire he had lost touch with his comrades.

Alone in the jungle, he could hear enemy soldiers coming in his
direction. Scrambling for cover, he found his way up a high ridge to several small caves in the rock. Quickly he crawled inside one of the caves. Although safe for the moment, he realized that once the enemy soldiers looking for him swept up the ridge, they would quickly search all the caves and he would be killed.

As he waited, he prayed, "Lord, if it be your will, please protect me. Whatever your will though, I love you and trust you. Amen."

After praying, he lay quietly listening to the enemy begin to draw
close. He thought, "Well, I guess the Lord isn't going to help me out of this one." Then he saw a spider begin to build a web over the front of his cave.

As he watched, listening to the enemy searching for him all the while, the spider layered strand after strand of web across the opening of the cave.

"Hah, he thought. "What I need is a brick wall and what the Lord has sent me is a spider web. God does have a sense of humor."

As the enemy drew closer he watched from the darkness of his hideout and could see them searching one cave after another. As they came to his, he got ready to make his last stand. To his amazement, however, after glancing in the direction of his cave, they moved on. Suddenly, he realized that with the spider web over the entrance, his cave looked as if no one had entered for quite a while.

"Lord, forgive me," prayed the young man. "I had forgotten that in you a spider's web is stronger than a brick wall."

We all face times of great trouble. When we do, it is so easy to
forget what God can work in our lives, sometimes in the most
surprising ways. And remember with God, a mere spider's web becomes a brick wall of protection.

Celebrating Individual Differences, Do No Harm

By Amy Price PhD

Click Here to View Video


In many respects we are strengthened by celebrating the differences in those we meet in life rather than expend useless energy trying to make them more like us.Conflicts in homes and at the workplace come because others work to exhaustion,trying to be what we want instead of who they are. This video describes the fallout and invites us to consider solutions.

It is important not to stress shortcomings to the hurt of recognizing strengths even in ourselves.

People are far more than the face they show to a group. To draw out their full
potential they need validation and celebration. Communication comes from
listening using all our senses with an attitude that is willing to hear, help
and accept change. There is a proverb that says "When the vision is delayed the
heart becomes sick" Working in arenas circumstance or others dictate but we have
not chosen to the loss of following our destiny can bring bitterness and hurt.


Ask yourself in working with others:


Am I giving orders or supplying direction?
Do I know what my family and employees care about?
In conflict do I know the whole story or just my/my freinds side?
When is the last time I was really thankful and said so to those I love or work with?
Do we laugh together?
If I was in the other persons shoes would I feel good about coming to me?

Now what can you change? When you supply value to others it will be multiplied
to you. Why not take time to do something that is important to you and your
dream and while you are there give some of your time as a gift to help some one
else take a step to their destiny.

Freedom From Inside Out

By Amy Price PhD

For freedom to have real meaning it needs to be defined from the inside out. A lot of what we do is to please others and to carve a place for ourselves to be loved and accepted or at least respected. Regrettably it seems that those we need to prove ourselves to are the ones least likely to extend the sceptre of acceptance. I am always surprised that when people comment on why they value me it has little to do with performance or making accurate choices but it has more to do with providing sanctuary and solutions. I am content with this we can always buy machines to do tasks!

I most admire my late cat, she came into our lives as a stray and refused to leave or believe she was not wanted. Because of this, we fed her, loved her and appreciated her, she gave back by being herself. I have a PhD, (I am working on another one in cognitive neuroscience and executive function) but I only wish I was as smart as the cat!

I like this quote ”Be Yourself. Everyone Else Is Taken! Always be yourself because the people that matter don’t mind, and the ones who mind, don’t matter”

As an employer I must confess that I fired no one and we had hundreds of people working for us during our lives. I always found something else they could do and they often helped me find some one to do the job they could not. There seems to be two philosophies one being a mistake has to be someone's fault and heads must roll or my preference,let us work together without blame and find a solution...the first imposes fear and anger the second infuses hope. I want to be in the land of hope and create that for those I work with.

“Just because something doesn’t do what you planned it to do doesn’t mean it’s useless” Thomas Edison.

Communication and Cognition (tips and tricks)

Information is available at faster rates than ever before. Ray Kurzweil references something he calls the law of accelerating returns. This means that information is increasing to the power of rather than by simple addition or multiplication. Even with all the new information available people take in about the same information every day as they did at the turn of the century.


What kind of person do you listen to and why? To communicate effectively become that kind of person. A good book for improving relationships and making your voice heard is Non Violent Communication by Dr Marshall Rosenberg. Dr Rosenberg is an international specialist in conflict resolution. I try to apply his principles in my work with people, often when I don’t, I wish I had….There is a lot of free information on his web site Center For Non-violent Communication, he also has DVDs available.


Got trouble keeping up? Are you overloaded with information? Visit http://sparksofgenius.com for tips and tricks to restore memory and improve mental function. Cognition can be improved by brain gyms, bio/neuro-feedback, exercise, diet, memory strategies, meditation and getting enough sleep

Change Your Mind…Change Your Life

Recent experiments have shown that we become what we put our minds on. This is an ancient concept. In the book of Proverbs it states "As a man thinks in his heart so is he." Ancient philosophers saw the heart as the mind’s teacher. Recent science shows when people of any age exercise certain skills the brain connections grow to accommodate them. This is known as neural plasticity and can be explained by the adage neurons that fire together wire together. The neurons are like tree branches and they grow little buds called dendrites. The dendrites search for firing places and as they fire they strengthen brain connections.

Mental stimulation creates food for the dendrites so they can mate and produce strong paths. Example: Brains of London taxi drivers imaged by FMRI show growth in spatial areas which are related to finding the way to new areas. In another study participants were taught to play the violin and then asked to practice using only their thoughts. At the conclusion of the study their brains were imaged and it was found that in the area of the brain used to play music growth occurred.

Sports and business psychologists tell us that practicing in the mind produces similar results to doing. Thinking matters!
Zig Ziglar coined the phrase "Life is like the movies…You produce your own show."

Empower Your Destiny!

The Seeds of greatness are on the inside of you. You have the power to make them grow. Move beyond the limitations others have set for you. Refuse failure it is only an event and a place in time…it is not your life. To be a success you only have to get up one more time than you have fallen down. Life takes a lot of practice, getting it right is an adventure. Getting it wrong reveals one path you can avoid the next time that situation shows up. Use this as an opportunity for growth.

Refuse to beat up on yourself with I could have, I should have scenarios and skip the "if only" ruminations. When relationships cannot be restored after a misstep, let them go without burning bridges Hindsight is often 20/20 and can be used as a strategy for the next round in life. Life is like driving a car…if you look backwards while in motion your direction loses focus and allows distortion. These distortions promote conflict and confusion. Just move on. Remember to forgive others and celebrate yourself.

Where are we now?

Rate yourself by attaching % to each of these categories of life family, society, career, health, personal growth. Make a circular chart…imbalance in any of these areas is like a flat tire. It takes away energy, productivity, slows down the ride and wears out the equipment. What can you do to improve the ride you take through life?

Small things make a big difference…4 hugs a day improves marriage communication. Making eye contact helps people feel valued. Catch people doing something right and express your appreciation. Exercise graciousness by doing one random act of kindness every day…even the small things add up and make a difference. Do you really know what is important to those who are close to you? How much have you helped them to realize their dreams?

Often we are nice to those from whom we are trying to win approval and we set aside those who value us. There are some people who will never be pleased or impressed with you. It is good to consider when to cut your losses and move on. Go where you are celebrated rather than tolerated.